Reflections from the pensieve

As you would have correctly judged by the title that i m totally jobless so much as to write a totally non sensical post on how to survive a junglee attack. but believe me you will find this very useful and in case you dont dont express it to me.
I was forced to write this to open your eyes and to enlighten you on life saving takeaways if Hollywood has to be believed regarding Jungle, Junglees or other any abhorrent, gory, cannibalistic thingy that resides in there. After a lot of research I have come up with a set of learnings which if you follow assures you of your survival in the deepest of tragedies that might strike you whilst you are stranded in that horrible jungle.

Learning 1: dont be a Columbus

first thing make sure you have done your research right about the route, possible reroutes, possible secret passages about a certain jungle and if there were any strange things that happened there. Yes your mom was always right when she said to be careful and not to go to uncharted places. Never go to a place which hasnt been explored before, you dont want to be a columbus, believe me there is no other place left on earth which ill b christened after your name so why take the effort and the risk. Acc to Hollywood the first people who discover to their atmost horror that the heaven which they discovered some time back is not exactly a heaven but a breeding place for the loathesome somethings, so let the first batch go, c if they come out alive (everyone that is) you are more than welcome to go to that spot. Keep yourself abreast about missing people and where were they went missing!!!

Learning 2: a shortcut in life and a shortcut in your route usually ends up in a tragic result

Never be enticed by a shortcut board(thats the first bait that these horrible god forsaken creatures who dont know to read and write and somehow are able to produce a board which states "Hello take right for a shortcut"). Always follow the highway; chances of you meeting a road collision aka Final Destination 2 is lesser than being eaten by a cannibal whilst enroute the shortcut

Learning 3: the first attack is always from the back, keep looking back

If you have noticed properly the first attack is always from the back, (those eyes peering through tree tops or through bushes behind your back).
if you have a mask wear it in such a way as if you have eyes on both sides of the head and now walk backwards, this will confuse the predator on which side is the back..bingo you have survived the first kill.

Learning 4: avoid making out in the jungle

One of the biggest learnings from all Hollywood movies is that making out in the jungle gets the predator even more wild. Imagine, the poor predator is out to hunt, to eat, to feed his mate and what he sees is utterly horrific: people are mating when its own mate will be someplace else, isnt it logical that it would get irritated. Now the saddest part is that the predator is indeed a crank, it will let you complete the making out process and before you clothe it will attack you.
So guys please control the urge to make out in the jungle and girls this is "the" time you gotta control the animal in your bf or there wont be any.

Learning 5: a friend in in need is a friend indeed

Remember this golden rule, it holds true. Make sure you have a friend in front of you, at your sides and behind you so that whatever happens you will be saved, less ofcourse the tragedy strikes you from bottom or from above. your friends will be more than happy to sacrifice their lives for you, if you survive you can read a beautifully scripted memoir for them at their funeral and people will forget how menacing were they to the society (a fitting farewell u see), or best you could hitch with their beautiful lasses on whom you always tried to make advances. the benefits are huge

Learning 6: not everyone is killed by the predator the jungle also kills a few

Make sure that your focus is not just on the predator, you gotta be aware of your surroundings. Afterall Hollywood educates us of the unfortunates who perished after suffering a limp branch fall, or a landslide or a fall into the river and the leg getting stuck in one of them rocks. So make sure you test the branch if it will hold your weight (jumping on it can be a good test), always keep your feet on rocks that are visible. Its really sad to be dead because of the jungle other than the predator defeats the purpose

Learning 7: the more you survive the intial attacks the more chances emerge of your survival

simple logic doesnt require explanation.

Learning 8: hunt the hunted

Try all the techniques showed in Predator (a very good reference movie about how to survive-  btw you need to be Arnie) and other Hollywood movies to kill the predator if that's your last chance.if nothing works you go to his house, burn it down, woot like a wolf and do a jin-ga-la-la dance as if it was a bonfire and u were the tribal, if this doesnt intimidate the predator then my friend i dont know what would, You are on your own (it might just irk it even more)

Learning 9: usually the only survivor is a woman

sorry guys but if there are only 2 people left one man one woman, its usually the woman who survives in the end (talk about discrimination in an life altering situation). the man typically as per Hollywood has to and will risk and sacrifice his life for the woman. Its either both or the woman who emerge as the winner so hard luck guys, make sure you follow Learning 5 in this situation. Whats even worse is that guys if you mite end up sharing the winning trophy with this woman, though she is pretty, intelligent and all that jazz, she is always gonna be the one who doesnt like you in first place..so technically a jungle adventure can help you find your life partner and you will know your life partner is the one that hates you all throughout the adventure

so happy jungling moi folks