The whole world is gearing up to face the end dis year, if not the whole world but a faction atleast. While the world may end or not in Dec 2012, my end is imminent. This post is part of the continued series leading up to the end of my bachelorhood, the thought of which makes me tremble. Many of you would have read the older blogposts about how it all started. For those who havent please please read the blogs related to Mere Yaar ki Shaadi hai, its a nicely scripted 4 blogposts which can make you laugh. Ok, too much of self gratification is bad for health, so as I was saying day by day I inch closer to my end. This post is a stepping stone to that very day.
I do have these update calls with my mom on which the major dicussion would be how many kilos have you lost, did you go to church today (many such calls happen on a sunday evening), but the most pressing and the most ridiculous topic is that on my marriage, and that too every week, beat that. So again after the usual 2 discussion topics we move on to the very mundane very hot discussion topic.
mom: mmmmmm (u know when u eat something really delicious and u relish that stuff wid a mmmmm expression, thats how my mom started the conversation)
mom: now you cant escape, one more year now to go
this "one more year" is in reference to my bday which had just gone by (for those who didnt wish me please do here atleast), so since the last bday or rather the whole of last year I was trying to reason that I was just 26 years old, still a kiddo for marriage (though many traitors i.e. erstwhile close friends, younger than me, did marry before me..and this is a closely guarded secret which my mom doesnt know)
So for the past one year I was telling her that I still want two more years to be even ready (for my parents "ready" means ready for the wedding date and not ready to start the search), hence with the designated one year out of the two passing by and stepping an inch closer to that 28 years mark, my mom was more than happy, rather kept relishing the fact.
me: I m still 27 (modulating my voice pitch so as to present 27 is equivalent to being 17)
mom: so??? leave it, v have to start the search for a girl now
me: arre kahan mar gyi ladkiyan, itni to hai na
mom: nahi, u dont know, there's an apparent dearth of mallu girls (I was reminded of the save tiger initiative, only 1100 left, save tigers now)
I came back to my senses finding my mom has not diverted from the topic and is still continuing
mom: you see your cousin, poor fellow he is 32 years old and he is not getting a good girl to get married to
me: arre woh isliye woh nalaayak hai, use kahan se milegi
mom: shutup dont talk nonsense about your cousin, so where were we?, yes, i was talking about your poor cousin, see even his parents are disappointed, no girls left
me: maine nahi kaha tha unko nurse banane aur gulf (read gelf) bhagne ko
mom: dont say nurse nurse or I ll get you married to a nurse
(I seriously dont understand whatsup with the fantasy of getting married to a nurse, its like Kerala is like a huge production factory where almost every product churned out is a nurse, andddd I dont want to get married to a nurse)
mom: ok, see all your friends are married
me: (blatantly cutting the conversation in between) NO
(even though I hve been on a wedding attending spree I wished that mom be unaware of this crude reality hence with a blatant lie I tried to force my point)
me: look at XYZ, he is not married, he is my age
mom: he must have brothers and sisters of marriageable age
me: NO all of them already married long back, his parents are not even bothered
(I thought I will counter my mom with the tactics they used in my childhood days, peer comparison, look at your friend, he studies well, he sings, he dances, always comes first in the class; I thought I will stop the conversation by doing the same, peer comparison, look at his parents, so cool, never bothering him, never pressing him for the marriage but the answer mom gave made me think no more)
mom: silly boy, thats because his parents have already selected a girl for him
(if parents come up with such statements you know you cant reason)
mom: so whats it, do you want us to search or do you have someone in office already, you tell us we can approach her parents
(now if parents come up with this kind of statement you just know you cant run now, your end is apparent, all is decided)
as mom kept on going on about the benefits of marriage, I was lost in my afterlife thoughts, resigning from the fact that this year the world may end or not my world would surely end. I shall update you guys, after all I will have to send you all the invitation of the death of my bachelorhood, the age of free spirit like the wind, and the invitation of a dependent afterlife, the age of bondage and exploitation and rebellion (what!!! rebellion when have I ever seen a rebellious husband, all rebellions are crushed without mercy by the force of tears and emotions and KIDS)
I do have these update calls with my mom on which the major dicussion would be how many kilos have you lost, did you go to church today (many such calls happen on a sunday evening), but the most pressing and the most ridiculous topic is that on my marriage, and that too every week, beat that. So again after the usual 2 discussion topics we move on to the very mundane very hot discussion topic.
mom: mmmmmm (u know when u eat something really delicious and u relish that stuff wid a mmmmm expression, thats how my mom started the conversation)
mom: now you cant escape, one more year now to go
this "one more year" is in reference to my bday which had just gone by (for those who didnt wish me please do here atleast), so since the last bday or rather the whole of last year I was trying to reason that I was just 26 years old, still a kiddo for marriage (though many traitors i.e. erstwhile close friends, younger than me, did marry before me..and this is a closely guarded secret which my mom doesnt know)
So for the past one year I was telling her that I still want two more years to be even ready (for my parents "ready" means ready for the wedding date and not ready to start the search), hence with the designated one year out of the two passing by and stepping an inch closer to that 28 years mark, my mom was more than happy, rather kept relishing the fact.
me: I m still 27 (modulating my voice pitch so as to present 27 is equivalent to being 17)
mom: so??? leave it, v have to start the search for a girl now
me: arre kahan mar gyi ladkiyan, itni to hai na
mom: nahi, u dont know, there's an apparent dearth of mallu girls (I was reminded of the save tiger initiative, only 1100 left, save tigers now)
I came back to my senses finding my mom has not diverted from the topic and is still continuing
mom: you see your cousin, poor fellow he is 32 years old and he is not getting a good girl to get married to
me: arre woh isliye woh nalaayak hai, use kahan se milegi
mom: shutup dont talk nonsense about your cousin, so where were we?, yes, i was talking about your poor cousin, see even his parents are disappointed, no girls left
me: maine nahi kaha tha unko nurse banane aur gulf (read gelf) bhagne ko
mom: dont say nurse nurse or I ll get you married to a nurse
(I seriously dont understand whatsup with the fantasy of getting married to a nurse, its like Kerala is like a huge production factory where almost every product churned out is a nurse, andddd I dont want to get married to a nurse)
mom: ok, see all your friends are married
me: (blatantly cutting the conversation in between) NO
(even though I hve been on a wedding attending spree I wished that mom be unaware of this crude reality hence with a blatant lie I tried to force my point)
me: look at XYZ, he is not married, he is my age
mom: he must have brothers and sisters of marriageable age
me: NO all of them already married long back, his parents are not even bothered
(I thought I will counter my mom with the tactics they used in my childhood days, peer comparison, look at your friend, he studies well, he sings, he dances, always comes first in the class; I thought I will stop the conversation by doing the same, peer comparison, look at his parents, so cool, never bothering him, never pressing him for the marriage but the answer mom gave made me think no more)
mom: silly boy, thats because his parents have already selected a girl for him
(if parents come up with such statements you know you cant reason)
mom: so whats it, do you want us to search or do you have someone in office already, you tell us we can approach her parents
(now if parents come up with this kind of statement you just know you cant run now, your end is apparent, all is decided)
as mom kept on going on about the benefits of marriage, I was lost in my afterlife thoughts, resigning from the fact that this year the world may end or not my world would surely end. I shall update you guys, after all I will have to send you all the invitation of the death of my bachelorhood, the age of free spirit like the wind, and the invitation of a dependent afterlife, the age of bondage and exploitation and rebellion (what!!! rebellion when have I ever seen a rebellious husband, all rebellions are crushed without mercy by the force of tears and emotions and KIDS)
1 comments:
Ha ha ha ... good post..I totally understand what you are saying :P..You have enough inspirations around you on "how to survive marriage assaults" (If I may put it that way!)...keep fighting :P