Reflections from the pensieve

Many of you have been witness to the long battle that is being fought for the independence of bachelorhood. Many of the still surviving bachelors can relate and empathize with my struggle for independence. So can the others who have lost the battle and yearn to go back to those blissful days. As you are aware the battle till date was with my parents and as days progressed I became feeble but my spirit didnt wane... for the happiness of bachelorhood is soo blissful that I dare not forsake it. Till death do us apart was my tagline when I started the battle. My parents copied the same tagline but with a different perspective.

Anyways back to the battle; you know that there's always that one thing in a battle that will hit you bad real bad, its the masterstroke of the opposite side whom you fear the most, its that one thing you have never prepared yourself to fight against. In the battle for bachelorhood it is the RELATIVES.

Relatives are that WMD for which mostly you dont have an answer to (quite literally). And boy do they hit you right from the day you are born... You meet a relative after like 10 years and you have absolutely no recollection of who they are, they will still expect and answer from you "Do you remember me?"; once I did the carnal mistake of saying a blatant No. I was grounded, made to do a family tree, and was cautioned to remember their names no matter what. Being me I still couldnt recollect half of them, though I became smart enough to say with a wide grin, "aunty common how can i forget you, you were so nice to me" all the while praying she doesnt ask me "nice beta..but if you remember me then tell me my name"....which did happen and upon being grounded I would tell mom what the great Shakespeare said "whats der in a name" which would evince no sympathy or agreement whatsoever.

My parents know very well how to play the relatives card; it happened when I was not studying, it happened when I became obese; andd as it would go it happened while I struggled for bachelorhood

Relative 1: "beta get married"
me: "why aunty, I m still young"
Relative 1: "yeaaa but see, with you "ageing" you wont find a bride. this is the correct age"
me: "aunty i m just 27 years old, you mean within a year or so all marriageable brides will vanish??"
Relative 1: "no not that ways"
here comes the biggest and the most told used and abused statement
Relative 1: "c if you get married now, within a year you will have a kid"
here I m thinking of life before marriage and there they have made me a father that too in a YEARRR

Relative 1: "so after like 25 odd years your kid will be ready to earn while you yourself are still earning"
me: "so how does that logic not fit in after say 2 years from now??"
Relative 1: "thats when you wont find a bride"

and so the logic went all the way back to where it started

Relative 2 (with a big wide grin): "so i hear that you are searching for a bride"
me: "absolutely not"
Relative 2: "kar le beta"
me:  "abhi nahi kucch saal baad"
Relative 2: "is there someone in office, we could get you hitched to her"
me: stunned
Relative 2: "if there is someone, tell us we will go and ask her parents"
me: still stunned
do they really think I will walk to some stranger in office, go to her desk say, "Hi. you are a mallu christian, I m single and ready to mingle, how about marrying me"
me talking to myself: "Yes they apparently think so"

Now these conversations between Relative 2, Relative 1 and myself given here are highly abridged ones. In reality these extend to hours and hours and this period seems like ages. You just cant get out, if you get out you are GROUNDED. Yes I m at the age of 27 :(
they will mix all kind of emotions in the conversation, dont you love your parents, how ungrateful can you be to their sacrifice.

Seriously all these matchmakers websites I guess were opened up by such relatives who after their huge win over some bachelor kin decided to extend it for the benefit of the entire human race. They are FULL of INFORMATION. They can give you the details of who is working where, at what salary, to the extent that when is the next onsite opportunity expected.

between somewhere really far far away
Relative 1: "hey did you hear that boy is looking out for a girl"
Relative 2: "I knowwww...and i know a nice girl in our church, we will talk to her parents then inform his parents as well"
Relative 1: "oh yea she is working in Bangalore IT right...yea nice girl..nice family...nice idea...lets goooo"

Oh I hate them relatives