Story recap
A mystery person namely a friend had just turned my world upside down, a world in which I had got myself engaged in the most filmy manner, facing all the likely troubles like in a movie. But all was a lie and I was impervious to the dangers likely to hit me. My family got to know about it, even the church folks, my dream palace had just been hit by a tsunami.
It so happened that a far far friend of mine, who I now address to as red signal for singlehandedly planning my downfall, was traveling to his new hometown, a breakjourney at my current and his previous native. He had a window of 3 hours before he alighted into his train but this guy couldn't help but go to my house to spend the 2 hours. Till that day I had braved on the fact that my house was within walking distance from the station. So enters this gentleman into my house
Red signal: Namasthe auntiji
mom: aao aao beta, bahut din ho gye
Red signal: haan auntiji, ab to yehan se dusri jagah shift kar diye na, 5 saal ho gye ab yehan nahi aate
In 5 years this guy never turned up to his old native, why in god's name did this bloody friend of mine turn up and that too to out of all the places he found my house to drop in.
Red signal: auntiji, mithaai to khilaaiye
mom: q beta aisa kya hua
Red signal: arre hero ki shaadi ho gyi na, bhabhi kidhar hain
now I had spread the rumor of getting engaged, our man goes to my place and has the audacity of changing my engagement into marriage and upon that where in the earth was my wife
mom: kya!!!!!!!!!!!!
Red signal: arre aap to aise bol rhi hain jaise aapko pata hi nahi
Imagining the whole situation in itself was sending shivers down my spine, I could only imagine what my mom was going through in real life
mom: kya bakwaas kar rhe ho
Red signal: sorry auntiji, par logon ne kaha ki uski to shaadi ho gyi hain kisi dusre religion ki bandi se, gharwaale aur church waalon ne bahut pareshaan kiya for the marriage, to bhaag kar shaadi kar lii
Years back in my mba they had taught me in a very practical session how communication changes from one person to other, so much that this goes an entire 360 degree in the end. I never realized I would be at the receiving end and would be witnessing a cataclysmic turnaround which I would live to tell the tell.
If you had read my previous blogs you would have known that my bluff was simple and the core message which I sent out was this.
I had been engaged (and not married as this person conveyed), the girl was from another religion and there were some impediments (I never said the church was involved, this guy was hell bent on getting me ostracized from church as well, dont know what wrong had I done to him, and that we were planning to get married with both the families consenting (now rumor does follow a opposite route to the fact, so that it maintains its spiciness, so here, families consenting would have spoiled the taste of the rumorist and their clans, so it was tweaked to gharwaale pareshaan kar rhe the and to top the spice we were assumed to have run away and got married. His 10 seconds rumor speech upturned my entire world and opened up a huge black hole. People I say are the real innovators and not companies like Apple who would fall behind if these people were nominated for innovation awards.
So back to the story. Whatever happened to the conversation between Mom and Red signal is passe, what happened next to me was nothing less than facing a guillotine. So the very evening after my supposed downfall and me knowing nothing about it, I was called upon. Dad joined mom and I wouldn't want to risk my so called repute which I have built before you (kidding, I don't want to tell that it was bad really bad so bad that you can totally sympathize with me)
My dad retorted with his usual signature dialogue
da kazhiv illatha magane
which essentially means “hey you worthless son” or naalayak to be precise
For once this dialogue made me shift my concentration into my past and not think of the immense danger that was standing in front. Now this mother tongue is a slight complex one, I mistook the dialogue in my good old childhood days for "kayde da magne" which means “son of a donkey” and my child brain could never fathom why my dad called himself a donkey.
Anyways I was momentarily distracted by my father’s signature dialogue, I came back to my senses soon. Next I knew I was summoned a gag order and was informed about their arrival in Bangalore (the second coming). I thought this was some kind of a quarantine program in order to contain the epidemic that had spread, they would come here make me understand the nuances of such stupidity and wait for the storm to calm and then go back. But as usual I was wrong about their ulterior motives, the bigger good was something I missed. On a mundane Sunday afternoon I was asked to accompany them somewhere, Uncle Thomas was the person whom we had to meet, to which I was surprised, cause I knew all other important relatives down here who would get the appointment much before than Uncle Thomas.
On more pestering I was told......
mom: we are going to see a girl for you
WTH
I was stunned with this non considerate, non sympathetic act of theirs. I was instinctively reminded of a old friend who apparently was engaged to a girl whose face he had never seen. I still remember my conversation with him.
sad friend: I m sad
me: why
sad friend: I have to buy a saree for my fiance
me: so why are you so sad, is it because you don't know her taste
sad friend: nahi be i have to buy saree 2 mtr more than normal sareee
me: whaaaat, how does it have to do anything with your being sad
sad friend: you won’t understand,
Can you believe that I had no choice but to get engaged with a girl whose face I have never seen; that extra piece of saari is for her ghunghat, so whatever chances I had of getting to know how she looks is also marred.
I couldn’t say how big a loser he was nor could I emphasize with him for today I was the loser all thanks to a masterplan which went the other way. I was about to see a girl and perhaps get hitched to her for life and that too without any opinion from me.
me: but mom I don’t want to get married
mom: poda, first you make us all ashamed before the community and then you want your way to go. I tell you we have had enough of your stupidity, you are coming with us, somehow Uncle Thomas found a really good girl for you, if the girl likes you, you have to get married to her.
me: but mom m just 25 and I don’t even know what the girl is doing
dad: shuuut up dint we tell you no arguments, the girl is a teacher and comes from a good family we like her and so do you
zabardasti
me: but she is a teacher what about the future
dad: good future only, she ‘s in a job, you are in a job, you are marrying at a ripe age (please someone define ripe) of 25, by 45 your son / daughter will grow up and start working, what else do you need, we are ensuring a stable future for you.
I was astounded for some time given their arguments, I couldn’t argue and all my dreams of choosing a very fair girl, with the perfect figure, who had a dimplicious smile and straight flowing hair was about to be buried into deep earth. I was helpless. My insides were churning and my feet were becoming heavier than metal but then having no choice but to go. Back somewhere in my head I could hear my friends muttering,
Suna Joseph ki shaadi ho gyi hain
Haan suna maine khush hu main bahut aakhir Mere Yaar ki Shaadi hain
Suna Joseph ki shaadi ho gyi hain
Haan suna maine khush hu main bahut aakhir Mere Yaar ki Shaadi hain
So that my friends was my first rendezvous of meeting a girl for marriage and all that happened next was history and shall be narrated later, mail me or call me if you want further details. I didnt succeed in finding the results of the research but instead was staring at putting a real similar status. Siggggh
Signing off
Yours Truly,
These 4 pieces of horrendous literature are part fiction and part reality, mostly a figment of my imagination inspired by real events and real people. Would like to thank esp those who involuntarily were a part of this 4 piece journey. And yes thanks to the people who volunteered.
Being my first shot at fiction with full of sentimental emotions I thank all my friends and readers.
Adieu fiction(tears and more tears) I won’t bug you any more
